the13thfairy: (Default)
So, now that my sweetie is out of surgery and well on the way to getting better. I can now try to work through my own baggage about yesterday that has NOTHING to do with him.

20 Years Ago )
the13thfairy: (Jade Spiral)
So a little over a week ago I had my annual check up with my PCP. We talked about a bunch of stuff, some of it TMI which I have no interest in sharing. However, one thing of importance is that I have now been officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and am taking Lyrica to help with the pain management. Today is my first day at full dosage - I have spent the last week getting used to it. It is hard to say so far if it is helping or not, but this next week should be very telling. This past week some of the day to day constant achy stuff seems to fluctuate and I have felt that not only may I have another spoon hiding around here somewhere but that I might actually be able to find it and use it. And when I have had very specific pain it has been "clearer" and not so fuzzy/lost/drowned out in the constant buzz of pain I function in.

One main thing I have noticed is that it seems to be having an opposite side effect from what Dr. C said to expect. She wanted me to start on one pill a day at bedtime due to it making people dopey/drowsy and work my way up to 3/day and to expect my first full day to feel like a zombie. However there are a couple of my other RX's that also cause drowsiness that I also take at bedtime (one of them a sleeping pill so that I can sleep regardless of the pain) and even before the Lyrica and WITH the sleeping pill I was lucky to sleep more than 6.5 to 7 hours at night and 8 almost NEVER happened (likely due to the WLS surgery and the malabsorbtion that comes with it). Since starting the Lyrica my sleep cycle has shortened to roughly 6 hours at the outside. How fun. It could be that taking it at night is helping with the night pain that used to make it be over an hour to fall asleep and waking up every 15 minutes when I would have to turn over so that a different part of my could hurt - which equals a VERY shattered sleep cycle. If my sleep cycle is a solid one and I am getting real deep sleep - and a better quality sleep for 6 hours than I was getting without the Lyrica for 6.5 to 7 hours - then I am not worried. It is still early to see how I am doing. I have a follow up appt with Dr. C in another week or so, and we will go over my pain and all of this. And we will see what she says about this and my blood work (which has a very good chance of coming out very good at my baseline since I was PERFECT on my vitamins and supplements for the three days leading up to the draw - so if anything is off it will REALLY be off and not off cause I screwed up and didn't take something).

One thing though is that those clearer pain spikes are pretty bad and I am hoping that the full dosage of the Lyrica helps as much with those as the low dosage helped with the constant haze of pain. I am still in pain all the time, and it is very very hard to put a number on it cause I have gotten so used to blocking it out that I have to concentrate and unblock it to be able to evaluate it. That means I have to let myself feel it fully beyond what spills over my blocking it out for the first time in the 17 years since the accident that was the likely trigger for most of it. It's not easy, emotionally or physically, and I have found that it tries my patience in new and interesting ways. And it makes me not the nicest person to deal with if you catch me at the wrong time - and yes I know that statement applies to me most of the time anyways, but it's even worse currently. So be afraid! :) No really...

But hopefully this will help and overall make me easier to be around and deal with in the long run. Many people don't understand what being in constant pain can do to someone, the energy it takes to deal with the pain, to block it out, and to keep functioning can just use up every damn spoon in your everyday drawer AND it will go raiding your good silver for special occasions and use those TOO as well as every cooking spoon, measuring spoon and soup ladle it can lay hands on. When I think about shifts in my personality over the last 20 years and make allowances for emotional pain and such (my disastrous first marriage and divorce, a few friends dying way to early, etc.) I find that the biggest thing that affected me was the car accident that should have at the least left me a quadraplegic and likely should have killed me. But it didn't - I literally walked away from that accident and was in good enough shape to help the other people who were in the car, but with enough damage in the right places to mean constant pain for the rest of my life.


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May 2014

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