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[personal profile] the13thfairy
So, now that my sweetie is out of surgery and well on the way to getting better. I can now try to work through my own baggage about yesterday that has NOTHING to do with him.

20 years ago, On January 5th 1989, I was in the car accident that should likely have killed me, and at the least left me a quadraplegic (because of how I was twisted and how the seatbelt held my head still while my neck twisted and snapped). And instead left me walking and moving and the paramedics not believing me when I told them I was in the car when they saw the car and found me out and about and trying to help the other kids who were in the car (one of which was my ex-husband (fiance at the time). They had to threaten me to get me onto the spine board. I know, this surprises you all very very much.

We were stopped at a red light on the downside of an overpass and were rear-ended by a beer truck that was speeding and lost both it's main and safety brakes.

I am naturally double jointed and hyper-flexible - I have lost a LOT of that through a combination of age and the ongoing damage from this accident. I still have a lot of it though, and if I had not started out super extra flexible? I WOULD be paralyzed or possibly dead. THAT contributed a LOT to saving my life.

However, I have permanent headaches that verge on migraines.

This was the trigger incident for my Fibromyalgia and my left shoulder - the one that got crunched and partially dislocated (and got left that way for 4 years) and is a major part of the Fibro - for those familiar with Fibro it's where I have the "crunchies".

Most people when they have problems with the vertebrae in their necks have a problem with one moving around funny and pulling on things. Because of ow my head was turned, and then how my head was twisted around and held in place by the seatbelt at the time of impact, I have ONE cervical vertebrae that kinda stays put and all the rest move around, often in *counter rotation* pulling everything in different directions. My collarbones also do not stay put.

Because of how I was sitting I have permanent damage to the soft joints of the sacrum of my pelvis. I spent the same 4 years after the accident with my left leg shorter than my right by an inch or more because the left side was pushed up and forward and the right side was pushed down and backward and two of the lumbar vertebrae were counter rotated. This has since been fixed and stabilized, but if we ever manage to get pregnant it could cause problems with pregnancy and carrying a baby to term due to the extra weight of the child - those joints are crucial to supporting that and they also loosen up a LOT with the hormones. It's a BIG risk factor I need to keep in mind. It might not be an issue at all - but it could be a very scary one requiring enforced bed rest etc.

The people in the car were the driver Martin (who has the same Birthday as me), me in the front passenger seat, my ex in the back seat right behind me, his ex GF in the middle of the back seat, and another friend of theirs sitting behind Martin. We were on our way to visit a friend who had terminal cancer at Oaknoll Naval Hosp in Oakland - the oddly funny part is that a couple of the people in the car were Navy brats and got there anyways cause that is where they were taken by the ambulance. As I was not a Navy brat, but a civilian, I got taken to Kaiser - which completely explains the fact that my joint injuries were neither treated not even caught. Much later in the day we all ended up there and saw our friend, which was nice cause it is the last time I saw him.

The car was, IIRC a 1967 Buick - a HUGE hunk of steel which saved our lives too. If it had NOT been exactly the car it was, we likely would have been inured much worse or killed. Before the accident it had a HUGE trunk - after the accident it had NO trunk.

The name of the car was "Baby".

I have had several people hear that the name of my car is "Baby".

And I have had these dumabass mutherfuckers try to tease me about "the big bad Sabre having a car named 'Baby'"...

Sometimes I let it go, cause nothing can fix that kind of stupid.

Most of the time I calmly point out that they are dumbass motherfuckers and that it was the right thing to do to remember and honor something that saved my life.

If they have any hope of being any smarter at all, it usually shuts them up pretty quick. Occasionally it hasn't - and that is when I realise just how stupid they really are. If they do not understand basic courtesy and respect like that I cannot help them and they are not worth my time.

So anyways - In looking back it should have been a clue when my ex was injured and I was trying to help that he kept turning to the ex GF and ignoring me. And even though she knew we were engaged she kept literally pushing me out of the way and pushing me aside. I was injured too and the only person who asked me if I was ok was Martin.

I lost touch with Martin for a long time, and when I finally ran into him again he seemed to be manifesting some latent long term damage from the accident.

We all got screwed and damaged forever.

There are a couple of dates every year that hit me hard. Over time they no longer incapacitate me, but that does not make them any easier to process. This is one of them.

I have had other dumbass motherfuckers try to tell me to get over it. With the permanent physical damage (read constant reminder) that is impossible. I try to remember to tell them to go pound sand and not get distracted by the fervent wishing that even THIS level of stupid WOULD be painful.

Thanks for reading this far. I don't always post much with any real meat on it.

Date: 2009-01-07 04:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perlandria.livejournal.com
Ahh, your quiet understanding of my recovery process makes so much more sense now. Thank you very much.

Date: 2009-01-07 04:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bellacrow.livejournal.com
*hugs* as a wreck survivor I totally get where your coming from

Date: 2009-01-07 05:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] misanthrope-mom.livejournal.com
YOU make a lot more sense to me, now. Thanks for sharing.

Date: 2009-01-07 05:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lokiz-mom.livejournal.com
Something we have in common.
Your *one* accident was much worse than the combination of my *two*. My first accident was in a 1968 chevy nova (and also happened in 1989), so I know what you mean when you say it helped to save your life. *hugs*

Date: 2009-01-07 06:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wynkat1313.livejournal.com
thank you. *hugs* not much more really to say... other than to let you know that I have read this and am impressed as hell that you function with all that you have been through.

Date: 2009-01-07 06:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scotis-man.livejournal.com
June 14, 1983
I was run over by both front and back tires of a Suburban. I was never supposed to walk again.

I hope that I have never been a dumbass telling you to "get over it". I will never forget mine.

Date: 2009-01-07 08:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emberleo.livejournal.com
Thank you for (finally?) sharing this. I'm trying not to cry from reading it.

I wish for your pain to reach an end long before you reach yours.

I love you.
--Ember--

Date: 2009-01-07 05:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] themanabides.livejournal.com
No one ever told me about this. One more thing I missed while overseas.

You are occasionally too cranky for me, and I suppose this explains that to some degree. But that's probably why I enjoy your company so much. We all need some cranks in our lives.

Date: 2009-01-07 10:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] water-of-fire.livejournal.com
I didn't know you'd been married before. All my love to you, always.

Date: 2009-01-09 06:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] trancemagick.livejournal.com
i can so completely relate - in 1981 i was rear ended while stopped at a red light in my 73 Chevy Nova by a volvo - the front end of the volvo was totally accordioned and had to be towed from the scene, i was young, 19 and got jack shit for medical care or compensation for this - the driver accused me of faking my double whiplash (i hit the car in front of me as a result of the impact). i have hypermobility in my neck too. the bottom line, i have never been the same since. people can not begin to understand how an injury like that affects you. now in my mid 40's, my neck has so much scar tissue that its turning into arthritis. anyway, didn't mean to rant about my history, just wanted to say i really understand what you are saying and how you feel, and i'm sorry about it all but glad that Baby gave up his or her life to save yours.
also, about the ex- sorry you had that experience, it sucks that you were treated that way.

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